How to Make Small Talk

As far as conversation starters go, there's plenty of value in knowing how to make small talk, even though it has a bad reputation for being superficial—so much so that some people avoid it at all costs. But if you can make small talk meaningful and genuine (read: not about the weather), it can be the starting ground for a new relationship, and maybe even a meaningful professional contact.

You come across networking opportunities every day, and you don’t know where they could lead. Making casual conversation is a simple way to fill 25 seconds of silence and might lead to a new contact.

Follow these tips for devising conversation starters and learning the basics of how to make small talk so you can practice your networking skills whether you’re at the dentist’s office, on a first date, or yes, even at a job interview.

Face Your Fear

It’s not just introverts who cringe when they’re forced into making small talk with strangers. It can be intimidating for anyone to start a conversation out of nothing and keep it going—especially if you have some degree of social anxiety.

If you’re someone who truly loathes making conversation with strangers, try understanding why you don’t like small talk. Are you afraid of what the other person might think of you? Are you worried it will be awkward? Are you uninterested in speaking to someone that you might never see again? Once you know why you dislike making small talk, you can devise an action plan to get over your fear or avoidance.

If you worry you’ll embarrass yourself by saying something awkward, remember that it won’t seem like a big deal for long. What’s the worst thing that can happen? You don’t talk again or they whisper about your encounter? You’ll get over it.

And if you think talking to strangers is totally pointless, ask your friends about any experiences they’ve had where a casual conversation sparked a valuable relationship so you’ll have something to inspire you.

Create a Pitch to Start a Casual Conversation

Finding the courage to make the first move is hard, but someone’s got to do it. Plus, the person you’re speaking with probably doesn’t want to deal with the awkward silence either. Go ahead and break the ice.

Work out a 30-second introduction that you can use on anyone anywhere. It doesn't even have to be about work. Use your hobbies and passions as a jumping-off point. Pets and kids tend to be failsafe topics.

This doesn’t mean that you walk up to someone and immediately introduce yourself with this personal pitch. That's definite not how to make small talk. Start by showing interest in them: why they’re there, what they think of whatever common experience you’re sharing, and once the focus shifts to you, you’ll have a personal pitch at the ready.

If you’re making small talk with someone who may have professional potential, you can weave in your elevator pitch too, but try to start personal because that’s where the fertile common ground may be to create a foundation for something more.

Ask Small Talk Questions

Questions are excellent conversation starters. Whether you’re in a larger group or a one-on-one conversation, shift the focus to the person you don’t know, and ask some questions so the conversation doesn’t come to a screeching halt.

People tend to love talking about themselves and feel flattered someone takes an interest in them. If you're at an event, try these small talk questions:

• What brings you to this event?
• What's sparked your interests so far?
• Any particular panel or speaker you recommend?

Along with asking questions, listen to people's responses. Don't just wait for them to stop talking so you can jump into your own story that is sort of similar to what they just told you. Ask follow-up questions:

• That's so cool. Can you tell me more about that?
• What is it about that topic interests you?

Volleying off what people share will help you get into a conversational flow like the one you’d have with a friend, and it leads to a more memorable conversation. Don't ask one question and move on. Asking a follow-up helps leave a more lasting impression on the person—they'll remember that you engaged them.

Use a Wingperson

To fine-tune your small talk skills, it might help to start with a friend. If you have to go to a networking event or even an acquaintance’s party with people you don’t know well, bring reinforcements in the form of someone who is a bit more extroverted than you and more comfortable starting conversations that they can then pull you into.

An easy trick for you to start small talk is to introduce people to your friend. For instance, if you’re seated next to someone else or waiting in line to get a drink with your friend, introduce the stranger to your friend and fill them in on what you were speaking about when they join the conversation.

Get Lots of Practice

Remember the old saying practice makes perfect? Well, it’s true about mastering conversation starters and learning how to make small talk. And what better way to put your new skills to action than to line up some job interviews? Could you use some help with that? Make a free profile on Monster today. We can set you up with recruiters, send you career advice, and much more.